Ever turned to the back of a shampoo or soap bottle? You should sometimes. Its practically a tome of knowledge. I mean, the average shampoo user definitely wouldn't know the uses of Ammonium Laureth Sulfate or Cocamidopropyl-betaine would they? Hell, do you have any idea how knowledge on this could make you the king of hangman, or you could start your very own "Wheel Of Fortune" kind of gameshow and rip off the contestants.

Sadly, providing all that knowledge... Ever took a look at the instructions? They're seriously a joke... and I'd really pay to watch someone who has to follow them. C'mon.. It goes like "Place a little shampoo onto palms and rub together to make a lather. Rub well into wet hair and rinse throughly". Oh gawd, just picture this.. [ "Hmm, place shampoo onto palm... how much? I better get a teaspoon. ~~~~~ Ok.. rub together to make a lather.. (oh yea, I'm really getting things started!!)~~~~~~ Oh.. rub well into.. WET HAIR?! *Panic* Omg, I needa wet my hair! Pass me the bucket somebody!~~~~~~~~~~~ Hmm, rinse throughly? Exactly how much? I can't be holding the showerhead all day long can I?~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Omg, I'm helpless, someone help me.. ]

And here's the thing that really = WIN. There's actually a toll-free helpline. What's the world coming to? Here's how a conversation would go..

Mrs. A(I'm a MCP sue me) : Hello? I just bought this shampoo today, and I'm completely clueless.
Operator: Yes mdm, firstly, have you read the directions on the back of the bottle?
Mrs. A: Yes, but it doesn't seem to turn out right.
Operator: It says to use a little, how much did you use?
Mrs A: Oh i followed that alright, I measured out 2 teaspoons w/o spilling a drop
Operator: Thats wonderful Mdm, maybe you haven tried forming a lather?
Mrs A: Oh nono, I've done that too, there's a nice lather in the bath tub.
Operator: I see mdm. Then, did you remember to wet your hair?
Mrs A: OH!!!! OH!! I left that part out!!!
Operator: Glad I could help mdm.
Mrs A: Hang on, I still don't feel all washed up.
Operator: Oh mdm, did you use it for the hair on your scalp? Cause that's where you're supposed to apply the shampoo to.
Mrs A: Oh!! So that's what I was doing wrong! The directions didn't say nothing about not using it at the armpits!! Thanks anyhow.
Operator: Yes mdm, thanks for your feedback. No problems mdm, glad to be of service.

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Rejoice human. For there're other lifeforms of lower intelligence levels than you out there as you can see. To be honest, the only thing sadder then having to use a 1800-helpline.......... is to work at the 1800-helpline. But can't you help wondering how a 1800-helpline for the use of a telephone would be like huh?